Fatherhood is Harder Than Godliness
by Dark Hope Assassin
Summary: /COMPLETE/ He, Black Star, the last of the Star clan, the sole survivor of a bunch of murderers and thieves and monsters… He was going to be father?… … Well, damn… Good-bye, care-free adult life? /Black*Star x Tsubaki, prequel to "Acceptance"/
1. Stage One: Issues

And here's the long-awaited prequel to my fluffy-fluff one-shot "Acceptance". Enjoy~

* * *

_Stage One: Issues_

* * *

These occasions were so rare that some of his friends probably thought him incapable of them but it wasn't unheard of even for someone as big as Black Star to be completely engrossed in his musings for some extended periods of time.

They were, admittedly, few and far between; probably partly because they were usually very unpleasant and oftentimes depressing, dampening his shine, so he avoided mulling over the past like the plague.

But there were also times when his history caught up with him and made him reminiscence. And ponder…

Like that young family that had just passed by him on his way back from Shibusen. They were some food for thought, with their happy disposition and all that jazz that's important in a family. They'd looked so happy—mother, father and son.

_His_ family had never been that happy, he reckoned.

His parents had probably been too busy pillaging and plundering to indulge in the small things in life like taking walks in busy cities. He never even knew his father or mother, or any of his many relatives since his father had been a big shot in the Star clan, but he wasn't sorry at all for it. He wouldn't have wanted to be raised to be a murderer and a damn monster that people even now accused him of being without even knowing him.

It was thanks to his folks' greed and avariciousness that he was hated now, before he'd even had a chance to say a word to anyone.

What kind of example would _that_ kind of parents set for him? What would've become of Black Star if it hadn't been for Shibusen? He didn't even want to imagine—he was a man greater than God, he would never allow himself to step off the right path and trudge into the realm of the Kishin. He was better than that, stronger than that.

There were some days when he wondered though… Wondered if his family, amongst themselves, maybe would've maintained some sense of normality? Even villains have their reasons and even sometimes, some who love them.

What would his mother have been like?

What would his father have been like as a parent?

Would he have been caring and compassionate? From the stories Black Star heard about him, he really doubted that. During those rare times he allowed his mind to wander, he imagined his father to be strong and proud, a stern parent and a role model to look up to… when he wasn't slaughtering people for money, that was.

The young man stifled an ironic laugh. What was he doing, daydreaming about things that would never be and longing for monsters that were unbecoming of his high stature? If anyone found out about these moments of weakness of his, they'd laugh their heads off at best.

But it was true that he'd never had anyone to look up to, to be supported by when he had most needed it, when he'd been a rising star. He'd never had a father's stern grip on his shoulder to guide him onto the correct path until he could walk on his own, never been patted on the back for a job well done, or consoled when he'd been in despair. It was a miracle he'd turned out the way he did when he'd had to raise himself, Tsubaki had always insisted.

Yes, he was maybe impressive in that manner and he'd never pass a chance to boast to others about it. But frankly, thanks to him never having a father to use as a role model, Black Star feared fatherhood.

Yes, he would never, _ever_ utter a word of that aloud because it was disgraceful and unheard of but he frankly did—that's why he insisted and made sure he and Tsubaki always used protection when they… ahem, not to get carried away. Anyway, he did not want to be a father because he was afraid of being a bad icon to his offspring—he was larger than life and greater than god but that did not automatically make him fit for raising a _person_.

What if he failed? What if he failed his child? What if he wasn't good enough yet to be a father? What if he wasn't just cut out for it?

Childish and immature as he was branded by his peers all his life, Black Star was sensible enough not to be willing to be the downfall of a young life, possibly full of potential that his kid might not realize because it had grown up in the wrong environment, with the wrong person at its side for a father figure.

There was no room for bloopers once you have decided you're responsible enough to raise a child, and Black Star was afraid that with his complete lack of expertise in the field and no way to gather any aside from just giving it a try, he would fail his son or daughter.

And _that_ he wouldn't be able to live with.

So he would remain childless, so he wouldn't repeat the same mistake as his parents would've made with him and raised him into someone he would've never wanted to be. His family was large enough as it was for him, with him and Tsubaki together for so many years now. He didn't need another member to their family to be happy. They didn't need a kid to "fill that gap in their lives" the way Maka and Soul had.

He didn't want to or need to become a father. Fatherhood was for small people to deal with anyway—someone as big as him had a great many responsibilities to this world than raising brats. So, for the time being, he'd leave the most crucial of tasks to other people to fulfill while he lived a carefree adult life with his lovely partner.

Much more assured by his thoughts, the young man continued on home with a bounce to his step. He felt even bigger when he managed to deal with his problems on his own and his significant other was always so thrilled when she heard about his conquests of his own mind, claiming that the best way to greatness is to first conquer one's own fears. Not that he had any—_besides that embarrassing one, _but that one was a secret from everybody, so shh—but he did have stuff bothering him every once in a while and it felt so rewarding to deal with it on his own.

"Tsubaki, Tsubaki! Hey, _Tsubaki_, let's do something fun together tonight! I'm in a good mood and—What's wrong?"

His giddiness melted like ice in the merciless sun, his smile sliding off his face in seconds to turn into a worried frown when he found his lover sitting at their dinner table in their little kitchen, her gaze pinned to the polished wood of the piece of furniture.

She looked like she was fidgeting before he'd come in and she'd jumped about a whole foot from her seat when he'd barged in. This made him concern over what could've _possibly_ made her as distressed. She'd always been a worrywart but it was rare to get her to this extreme…

"B-Black Star! Y-You're home! Welcome back!" The raven haired young woman didn't even stand from her place to greet him—another unusual thing for her. Politeness seemed to be part of her bloodstream and yet it was suppressed because of something else?

Just how out of control was the situation she'd got herself into?

"Yeah, didn't you hear me call to you from the hall?" His eyebrows knitted together when she only bit her lip and pinned her gaze to the table again. Avoiding eye contact? Did _he_ do something? "What's wrong?"

She could've chuckled hadn't her nerves been as strained as a chord right then. This was just like him—always "_what_ is wrong", never "is something wrong". He always knew, always felt her distress, no matter how well she hid it.

'_Then… Hiding something this big would be…_' she thought as her teeth sunk deeper into her lip and her heart quivered in her chest. There was no getting out of this one.

"A-Actually… there _is_… something I need to talk to you about," the young woman began, clutching whatever she had in her hands even tighter and playing with it between her fingers.

Black Star sat down and fixed his stern look on her.

"So, let's hear it—I'm all ears."

From his vantage point he could see her open and close her mouth for a minute or two, about to speak but unable to find her voice every time. This happened extremely rarely to them in their lives and every time it was excruciatingly painful to look at. He wanted to know what she had to tell him and he _knew_ she wanted him to know too but Tsubaki was the kind of person who did not react well to being rushed or pushed in any way. So he had to keep completely, patiently silent while the love of his life looked like she was being slowly roasted on a spit over a wildfire.

Tsubaki, on the other hand, did not know where to start from. Was there even an easy way to break this kind of news? To Black Star, who always avoided this kind of subject, even though he did not make it obvious… How was she supposed to begin to tell him what she had to?

This was so unbearably difficult. She found a whole new reason to respect Maka-chan now…

"W-well… D-do you re-remember… three weeks ago, when I forgot to take my pill, after we-we…" She turned bright red at the remembrance. The boy smirked at the same memory and at his blushing and stuttering counterpart.

"Yeah, I remember." He had enough grace to wipe the lecherous look on his face before continuing. "You said it was okay, right?"

Her words died in her throat at that. She closed her mouth and swallowed dryly.

"Well, uh… Yes, it was… at the time…" She added the last part in her smallest of voices. "And, you know we always use protection even though I'm on the pill, just to make sure, right?"

He nodded cheerily, still completely oblivious to what she was getting at. Boy, he was making this even harder than it already was…

"Um… and… ummm…" She turned her navy blue eyes to the object she was holding in her lap. He wondered what it was. It looked like a pointer or something, hmm… Ah, right, concentration on the topic at hand now, right. "So … this month… I was late and… I thought I might make sure… just to be in the clear…"

That's about the time when she lost him. If she'd been looking at his face when she'd been talking, she would've known immediately and wouldn't have needed him interrupting her explanation to say,

"What do you mean you were late?"

She, of course, took the question the wrong way, supposing he had finally caught on.

"I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner! It had been only a week and a half, I thought it didn't matter, and just missing _one pill_, _once,_ shouldn't have mattered but-but…!" She clenched her eyes tightly shut and clutched the object in her hands even tighter.

He wasn't taking this well—she should've expected as much. But she'd hoped he would've been more supportive than this…

Meanwhile, Black Star was absolutely dumb-founded.

"…_Huh_?! What?" He was incredibly close to letting his jaw hang open. But that would've been unbecoming of someone as big as him, so he resisted the urge. "First of all, what does "being late" even mean? Were you late for Death Scythe attendance or something? And what does that matter anyway? And furthermore, what does your _pill_ have to do with lateness? I don't get a thing you're saying!"

For the first time in the last five minutes Tsubaki dared lift her eyes to gaze into her partner's and found in them only concerned frustration with his total befuddlement.

She sighed and shook her head.

She guessed there was just no point with trying to break stuff like that to someone as thick as Black Star the gentle way.

She should've just gone ahead and said it outright from the start.

"I mean that my period didn't come on time this month, Black Star."

He nodded his understanding this time, though not at all charmed with the subject suddenly brought up. He'd lived with a girl—_this_ girl, _his_ girl—practically his whole life, he was thoroughly familiar with the ins and outs of her body, and he was still uncomfortable with the issues of her femininity. Go figure.

"What of it, then? It will come next month."

She gave him a bittersweet smile. That's what you get for hooking up with someone who always ditched his biology classes in school.

"No, it won't," she assured him. He cocked a confused eyebrow at her.

"Is that pessimistic disposition the thing that has you all riled up?" She shook her head. The eyebrow rose even further towards his hair line. "It's not?"

"I was late so I took a test to make sure."

"…Test?" The question marks were practically materializing around his head in his total nonplus.

"It was positive." Her voice was getting grimmer and her sentences shorter and for some reason that set off the alarm bells in his mind even though he had _no idea_ what the hell she was talking about and just _where _this conversation was going.

"Is… that a good thing?" he asked, uncertain.

She gave him another one of those chilling sad smiles of hers. He immediately made up his mind that he didn't care much for them and would be completely content with his life if he never had to see another one of them on her face ever again.

"To some, probably."

"…Eh?"

"Black Star, I…" Her heart was hammering against her chest and robbing her of her breath and strength to speak. But she had to say it, _now_, when he was there, when she had the confidence, when she had the guts to do it.

She took a deep, steadying breath, forcing herself to look into his emerald coloured orbs. He cocked his head to the side at her in confusion. His eyes were still so big and innocent and young… Would the two of them, he and her, make it through this? She couldn't help but ponder…

No point stalling any further. She could do this. A clean break—like ripping a bandage from a wound.

A clean break. Right.

"Black Star, I'm pregnant."

He still had that confused expression on his face even after she said that.

So she simplified.

"We're going to have a child."

Still no recognition dawning on his face.

How dense was this man anyway?

"You're going to be a father."

It was only after she'd said that too that Tsubaki realized that it wasn't as if he hadn't understood her from the first sentence.

It was just that he had completely ceased to think, blink, breathe, _anything_ after she'd said it.

And Tsubaki was just as oblivious to the frantic thoughts that were running through her loved one's head as he had been just a moment before with the topic of their conversation.

… _He_… Black Star… The last of the Star clan… The son of a bunch of murderers and thieves and _monsters_…

… _He_… was going to be _father?_…

…

… … …

Well, _fuck_…

Good-bye, care-free adult life?

* * *

_A/N:_ (Note that in Black Star's narrative, he turns to God, even though he claims to have surpassed Him. It's there for a reason – so you can realize just how desperate and shocked he is.)

And that's it for the first chapter. :D I'm not entirely too sure that this is how Black Star would take the idea of becoming a dad, but it was a notion worth exploring in a story. Don't worry - I have it all figured out~ Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it and that you'd let me know if you want to see the rest of it. I'd appreciate the interest and it would definitely make me come out with the chapters quicker.


	2. Stage Two: Strife

_Stage Two: Strife_

* * *

Black Star wasn't sure whether a really annoyingly loud bell was off somewhere or it was just his ears ringing.

Whatever the case was, the sound seemed to amplify the initial silence that reigned in his mind immediately after hearing the news the likes of which he had hoped to never hear; the news that had floored him.

He was going to be a father because his girlfriend was pregnant.

They had just been careless—hardly, but at least by _their_ standards they had—and she had conceived a child.

A child he had fathered.

It took some time and variations in the phrasing of the truth to let the thought sink in.

But when it finally hit home with him, the notion begot such a mad flurry of mental activity in his head that it might've been enough to make a lesser man get a headache.

He went through such a wide array of emotions in such a quick succession that it would've been difficult to give an account of each and every one of them if asked.

She was pregnant? How could she be pregnant? It was virtually impossible, wasn't it? They were making _double _certain that there would be no chance of that occurring.

It was a joke, wasn't it? How very ill-conceived of her, that silly Tsubaki—to try pull a prank as tasteless as that.

But looking at her expression, contorted in painful expectation and almost anguished apprehension he realized well that there was no way he could even for a moment fool himself into believing she was kidding him.

Even a blind man would've been able to _see_ the seriousness etched deeply on her features in that very moment.

… So it was true – he was going to be a father.

He was going to be a father.

_God_, he was going to be a _father_…

Saying that the mere thought made his blood run cold in his veins while at the same time feeling as though she had stabbed something large and sharp right in the center of his chest was a bitter understatement. There wasn't a comparison that he could think to make that could perfectly convey the feeling he experienced upon fully realizing the depth of her announcement.

He was going to be a father…

How was he supposed to react to this kind of news? Start prancing around with happiness? Break down and cry for all he was worth? Scream and rage against the unfairness of whatever chance had decided to play this kind of cruel trick on him? He couldn't pick just one reaction because each lacked _something_, each sounded incomplete to him, incapable of fully portraying his current mood.

He was vaguely aware that Tsubaki had called his name but he couldn't be bothered to react to that prompt either. He had just allowed the thought to truly sink in but he couldn't even begin to think what kind of expression he had to put on in front of her now.

He couldn't even _look_ at her in the face for so many reasons that made his already mixed feelings mesh together in a bigger yet mess.

He was angry with her for one, but at the same time the tiny voice in the back of his head called to his attention that she couldn't have got pregnant alone; that it was his fault as much as it was hers.

So he was angry with himself as well. He was dejected and speechless. He was shocked out of his wits and utterly taken aback by how it had even _happened_, how it was possible for this to have happened in the first place.

He was a man who had surpassed the deities and his halo should've appeared over his head a long time ago, which was why he detested feeling completely powerless about anything.

And yet he could not help it now. He was powerless to change what had already transpired, he couldn't take things back and go back to how they were before these notions of children and suchlike had come into the picture.

He was going to be a father and he didn't even know how to _feel_ about that, not to mention doing anything about it.

This was definitely not going to end well, he just knew it.

* * *

After she'd dropped the bombshell all Tsubaki could do was watch the myriad of emotions play just beneath the surface of the shocked look his face had frozen into.

She waited anxiously for him to stop at just one and she did so with bated breath, her heart hammering mercilessly against the cage of her chest. It felt almost as though his next words would be her verdict—whether she would live or die.

He was her judge and for once, she felt anything but secure about this fact, if some of the feelings that crossed his features were any indication of what was going on in that head of his.

Tsubaki reckoned she couldn't have felt more ill at ease even if her life depended on his decision.

She waited half-patiently and mostly apprehensively as he mulled the thought over but the minutes passed and the shocked expression did not come down from his face. He continued staring blankly ahead with unseeing eyes and she started to worry that he might have gone into a stupor.

"Black Star?" she tried tentatively but he did not react to her voice at all.

She felt her heart sinking in her chest. He was _definitely_ not taking this very well at all.

After what felt like an eternity he got up from his seat in the chair and she felt she had to give him credit for being steady on his legs since it seemed this kind of information had completely blindsided him.

He stood but still refused to even look at her, his gaze wandering in the distance and with his eyes still unfocused.

"I'm… sorry, I… I really think I need to think this over before I can even react to this kind of news…" He had opened his mouth as if to continue but maybe thought better of it because he didn't add anything. His jaw set firmly, his sightless eyes still pinned in the distance.

She didn't know what to make of this so she just forced a smile that hurt to plaster on her face as she nodded.

"O-Of course! T-…Take your time."

He nodded numbly at that and muttered something unintelligible about needing some fresh air before he walked out.

Tsubaki watched his retreating back, with his shoulders rigid with tension and heart in disarray. She felt a stab of sympathy for him and reproached herself half-heartily for putting him in such a predicament. But at the same time she couldn't really make herself truly mean it.

Not when she had wanted for this kind of thing to happen for a while now.

That did not mean to say she had purposefully forgotten to take her pill that time. No—she really did just forget it, because she was cluttered with work and personal things to take care of and in the whirlwind of daily going-ons she had completely forgotten to take the damn thing on time.

To think that it would have been enough to let her conceive from the person she loved more than life itself…

She placed a hand lightly on her perfectly flat stomach and smiled to herself. It truly felt like a miracle to her, that the gods had heard her prayers and granted her wish despite all odds.

She hoped her strike of good fortune continued because, judging by the expression on his face, it would need another miracle to make Black Star come to terms with her pregnancy.

Something told her though that everything would turn out fine and they would come out the better from this trial of their relationship.

She believed it would make them happier.

She truly did believe it, even though her heart was heavy in her chest with the distinct feeling of dread welling in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

Black Star trudged slowly down the street leading away from his home. Home—the apartment he shared with Tsubaki for now some eight years or so. Home – his castle. Home – the place he adored with all his heart and soul and looked forward to going back to after a bad day.

His home – once his sanctuary, now a place where the air felt stifling and where his brain went into overdrive.

How could she have got pregnant, he couldn't even…! He shook his head to rid it of this train of thought. No; pointing fingers wasn't going to do anyone good. It wasn't productive and it wasn't even remotely helpful. What was done was done. It was too late for wishing things were different now.

All that _could_ be done was move on, figure out what to do in the future.

The future, huh… It had always been a concept he'd found difficult to wrap his mind around, seeing as how he was an individual who lived strictly and always in the here and now. What kind of father of his child would he be if he couldn't even do something as simple as have a clear eye about the bigger picture, about what should happen in five, in ten years?

He heaved a great sigh and sat on a table of a café, burying his face in his palms. This hadn't been supposed to happen. Not now, not ever. He had never thought it would happen so he was completely unprepared with what he should feel like about it, how he should take it, what he should do about it. He could go on and on for forever why it was a bad idea to make a father out of him and he couldn't come up with even one reason why he should be.

But he loved Tsubaki. By all those deities he had surpassed, _he loved her_ and that was what was making this whole situation so difficult. He wasn't sure how he'd be able to function without her but if he stayed with her, he would stay with the boy or girl they had conceived.

And that was something he wasn't sure he could allow.

His fingers weaved into the azure spikes of his hair, his gaze wandering the street in dejection.

While he was staring in space, a family of three crossed his vision—a small boy being carried on the shoulders of a grinning father, the mother by their sides laughing and talking merrily. For a split second, his mind projected himself and Tsubaki in that same picture and _he could see it_ – a happy family for the three of them—him, his beloved and their child.

But the moment he blinked the image faded, the family passed him and he exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he was holding.

What the hell was he even doing? Who was he kidding?

… What was he going to do now…?

* * *

When a few hours had already passed by and he still hadn't returned by dinnertime, Tsubaki was starting to get worried. She was already starting to get hormonally unstable and any sort of worrisome factors were very unwelcome if she valued her mental state but there was nothing she could really do.

As just waiting and fiddling with her thumbs became too much for her to bear, she decided to do something useful with herself and start preparing dinner while her lover mulled over the news she'd served him.

She'd had the feeling he didn't want any kids but they had been together for five years now. She wasn't a teenager anymore and she wouldn't be considered "young" for much longer either. Now was the perfect time to have a baby, biologically and economically speaking—they were in the prime of their lives, they both had good jobs so money wouldn't be an issue, they loved and trusted one another deeply, thus providing a great environment for a child to grow – what else needed there be?

She'd noticed that when Maka got pregnant, he had been really supportive and happy for their long-time friend and Soul. He'd boasted about what he could teach him, if it was a boy, or the things he could tell her, if it was a girl. So it wasn't that he disliked children—hell, he got along better with children than with adults, he had proved that with his stay at Shibusen as a teacher. So why he was taking this as badly was a complete mystery to Tsubaki.

The Nakatsukasa heiress hoped that she was right and he was just feeling a bit anxious to be taking this long to respond to her. Because if that wasn't it and there was a different reason for his reaction—or lack thereof—to her pregnancy, things could not go as smoothly as she wanted them to.

She had just finished setting the plates full of food on the table and she was starting to feel anxiety stirring in the pit of her stomach again but before she could experience another minor panic attack, a peculiar noise drew her attention. She heard the door of the apartment open and then softly click closed, announcing Black Star's return and successfully quelling most of the anxiousness in her.

He strutted slowly in the kitchen, his feet dragging. The fact was unusual and very untypical for her lover's walk – it made the worry well in the young woman yet again but she did not comment on it. Instead, she waited for him to speak first, to see what he would do.

He didn't sit on the table—he opted instead for leaning his back against the doorframe, staring into space with his unfocused emerald gaze. His significant other swallowed thickly and fidgeted with her fingers, awaiting his verdict on the matter.

When a couple minutes that felt like a lifetime passed and he hadn't breathed a word yet, the pressure was beginning to be too much for her to handle.

"Did you… decide anything?" she asked in a voice barely above a whisper, beads of sweat forming on her brow.

Black Star shrugged noncommittally, his face disturbingly void of emotion.

"What's there to decide? It's a done deal, isn't it?" That was the first time he lifted his gaze to lock it with hers. She instantly felt like a heavy load had been dropped upon her from the way he fixed her with those penetrating eyes of his.

She knew she had absolutely no reason to but under his scrutiny she felt guilty. His stare made her shift her weight from foot to foot, finding neither position comfortable enough.

"You're really sure that there is no mistake in this? You really are pregnant?" he asked her coolly, his voice unreadable. She nodded slowly and he exhaled a heavy breath through his noise. "I see," was all he uttered after she confirmed, making the last chance of having to avoid this null and void.

"I suppose it is a 'done deal' like you said, but… I wanted to hear what you thought about it, how you felt about this." Her voice was tiny and shy, as if speaking any louder would make whatever he'd arrived at after thinking things over take a turn for worse.

Black Star shrugged his shoulders again, his eyes drifting to the floor at her feet.

"I can't do this," he said bluntly with his voice hollow.

"You can't… talk about it?" she pondered aloud, her forehead scrunching up in wonder. "All you need to do is voice the things that you already figured out in your mind and—"

"No, I can't—" he cut her off but his words failed him. "I can't raise this child."

When he had come into the kitchen, Tsubaki had been worried but optimistic about what the result of their conversation would be like. After his last statement, those hopes melted so quickly that she was the one left staring blankly in space.

She could feel horror and hysteria encroaching in the back of her mind, waiting to pounce on her. She stood her ground though, refusing to believe in her denial that she was hearing the subtext of what he was saying.

"W-what?" she stuttered helplessly and if the situation had been any different, she would've slapped herself mentally for her incompetence. But right then, she really felt utterly gobsmacked and she doubted she would've managed a more intelligent response to his announcement even if she'd tried. "What… do you mean…? 'You can't raise a child'…?"

Her voice was starting to tremble. Her hands were, too.

Black Star turned his head away from her.

"I know how you feel about kids so I couldn't ask you to abort—" Horror smeared across her features at what she was hearing. "—but I can't raise this child with you either. I love you and I want to be with you but I can't… I can't be around this kid."

She hadn't even felt when her eyes had welled with tears, not to mention when they had overflowed and began cascading down her sides.

Black Star swallowed thickly, the words heavy on his tongue.

"I'll stay and help you with everything you'll need through this pregnancy but once the kid is born, I'm going to take the post in Oceania Shinigami offered me a while back."

The horror and hysteria that had been waiting for the right moment to strike? They had found it.

Tsubaki couldn't breathe.

* * *

_A/N:_ And here's the next chapter, within this week, as promised. I hope you like the cliffhanger. xD Any questions you might want to ask, feel free to do so. And feedback makes for a happy writer, which in turn means more chapters, so, yeah, I strongly encourage that you not only story alert this thing but at least say what you think could've been better or what you think there should be more of. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and see you next chapter! :)


	3. Stage Three: Crisis

_Stage Three: Crisis_

* * *

She felt disoriented and lightheaded. Having a firm grasp of reality was becoming increasingly difficult when it felt like her sanity was practically slipping between her clenched fingers like sand.

Surely she must be hearing things wrong, or she couldn't understand what he was saying.

Because Black Star couldn't possibly have just told her he was going to leave her once their son or daughter was born, no. It wasn't possible.

But from the guilty look that was plastered on his face, the terror and horror took an even firmer hold of her heart as it began to dawn on her that he really did mean what he'd said.

No!

This wasn't—!

She couldn't—!

Just…! No!

"No!" she exclaimed suddenly, making him blink in surprise at her outburst. "No! You can't…! This can't be happening! I refuse to let it!"

Black Star's emerald gaze shifted guiltily to the floor again. She shook her head and she could feel the beginnings of a hysterical breakdown inch from the darker recesses of her mind.

"Y-you…" she began, but found that she didn't have enough breath in her lungs to speak. "You think it would be wrong to make me choose between staying with you and having your child and yet you have no problem with leaving as soon as he or she is born and leaving them fatherless?" She couldn't believe it even as she said it—her lover's thought process had always been a mystery to her and rarely ever made any sense but this was just ridiculous!

He didn't utter a word in response and this made her panic even more. If he had nothing to say for himself, did that mean she'd hit the nail on the head?

_How was this even possible?!_

This kind of crisis hadn't been what she'd expected when she found out she was pregnant. She'd known he might take it a bit hard but _not like this_.

"You can't be serious," she all but whispered urgently, tears streaming down her face like a waterfall.

He looked everywhere but directly at her. He couldn't bear to see what he was doing to her because it might break his resolve.

And he could not afford that.

"I'm sorry," he murmured back, his eyes downcast and his heart heavy in his chest. But what had to be done had to be done, while there was still time.

Tsubaki shook her head frantically.

"No, I'm not going to let this happen," she said barely above a whisper, her words choked up from the flood of tears. "If I have to choose between you and a baby—even if it is _our_ baby—it's not even a matter I have to consider."

At last, it seemed like something she said made him come back to life, because his head whipped up to attention at that claim of hers.

"No, Tsubaki—you've always wanted to have children so—"

"No!" she interjected, her face twisted in pain and panic. "No, I haven't wanted children. I wanted _your_ children—I just never knew you didn't want mine."

His eyes shone with an emotion she couldn't place. There was a conflict in them she didn't understand, couldn't decipher. She took in large gulps of air as she tried hard to calm herself down.

"Now I know," she added solemnly, teeth sinking into her lower lip.

He shook his head insistently, refusing to accept her words.

"I can't let you do this," he told her and she laughed mirthlessly. "I know you, Tsubaki. This would scar you forever—"

"But you leaving me to raise our child alone would be a walk in the park?" she cut across him, her eyes swollen but daring him unerringly to refute what she'd just said.

He swallowed thickly. He had rarely ever heard Tsubaki be sarcastic or abrupt. He didn't like the direction this was heading in.

"That's different," he said and fought down the 'I'm doing this for all of us!' that threatened to escape from his throat.

If he had given it any thought, he would've realized that he didn't need to pretend someone he was not—flawless and always strong—in front of his significant other because she wouldn't love him any less for his imperfections. She wouldn't judge him and she wouldn't tell anyone about them. But over time in had turned into a defense mechanism: when a weakness he had not known about within himself emerged, he avoided facing it for as long as possible until there was nowhere left to hide from it.

"I think you're just being rash about this—" he tried again but her disbelieving look mixed with large amounts of grief and pained love made his words get stuck in his mouth.

"I know my priorities perfectly well, Black Star," she told him calmly in a tone that would've made a lesser man shiver. "I might regret doing this a year from now, or two, or for the rest of my life." It felt like a vice had tightened around his heart at her words. "But if you were to leave, I wouldn't be able to think of anything else but how I could've avoided things going so horribly wrong. And this is exactly what I'm doing now—avoiding having this situation taking a turn for the worst."

He shook his head in disbelief and moved to sit on a chair so he could bury his face in his hands. She watched him with a forlorn smile.

"When you told me you were in love with me five years ago, it was the happiest moment in my life. From then on, I didn't need anything but you for my life to be complete," she said a watery but somewhat oddly serene tone.

"Then why do you want to have kids?" he suddenly asked forcefully, a need for an answer shining in his eyes that took her by surprise.

His change of tack from dissuading her from doing something he believed she'd think of as a mistake down the line to wanting answers made her realize that the root of his problem was most probably peering through. The only setback was that she couldn't recognize exactly what it was.

"Because I love you. And that's what people do when they're in love with someone as much as I am – they want to have their children and build a family. It's a base need ingrained into our very genes, the need to continue the kin."

He stared at her, unblinking, for a full minute during which she held his gaze with unwavering resolve.

"I love you more than I would've ever believed I'd come to love anyone in my life, Black Star. You mean everything to me. And if you don't want to have any kids with me, I'm willing to make that minor compromise if it means keeping you by my side until death do us part."

When his eyes widened slightly, she knew it wasn't because of what she'd just said. She knew that people probably thought Black Star incapable of being serious or emotionally devoted to anything, but she knew for a fact that he wasn't afraid of commitment. He committed himself to everything he did once he set his mind to it and she wasn't enough of an idiot to think that he would approach their relationship with any less than his full commitment.

No—she knew that his reaction had been surprise to the subtext of what she'd told him.

She had just said that she was willing to sacrifice her dream for a normal family for him.

So she didn't look away from him, didn't waver, as he searched her eyes. Because she stood by what she said.

"I don't want you to do this," he muttered in a grave tone and she couldn't help a sad smile.

"And I don't want to have to live without you," the Nakatsukasa heiress said easily, leaning back against the cupboards behind her. "We can't both get what we want. You already made your decision on your own, so now I'm telling you mine."

Black Star shook his head again, ruffling the azure spikes, and got up from his seat to strut out of the room.

In the wake of his absence, Tsubaki's resolve crumbled and the rivers of tears she had reined in so masterfully thanks to her shock and horror from earlier were once again set free once the tension had left her being.

She held a hand to her stomach and doubled over, her back sliding against the flat surface of the cupboard as she sat on the cold kitchen floor.

"I'm so sorry, little one," she whispered, choking on her words. "I guess it wasn't meant to be that we ever get to meet after all."

Perfect silence was all the response she got.

* * *

As Black Star paced away from his home, a heavy weight dragged his feet and mind down.

This was what he'd wanted, right? A world that didn't have him as a father to some unfortunate child. A world that wouldn't allow him to be a bad influence on a life that would look up to him as a role model, worship his very existence. A world his unborn child would never come to see.

If that was true—if _this_ was what he wanted but hadn't dared asked her for—why did his heart feel heavier than lead in his chest?

His step quickened and he hastened his pace. He didn't know where he was going and he didn't know what he was going to do when he got there but he just needed to _go_.

* * *

It was well into the wee hours of the morning when he finally returned to their apartment. He had been going around in circles around Death City, hoping that exhausting his body would exhaust his mind's ability to race as well.

He had been wrong.

He was worn out and weary but his head was still a mess, the situation was still as horrid as it had been when he'd left.

He prowled the length of the living room and quietly opened the door to their bedroom. He was careful in not making any sound at all—he'd done enough damage for one day; waking her up was really low on his to-do list right then—and so he made up his mind to make a slow advancement towards the bed so as not to stir her from her slumber.

His emerald eyes took in the sight of her body propped up on her side, facing the door. She looked calm and in deep sleep so he decided he needn't worry about waking her.

That's when his gaze traveled to her face and the light he'd switched on in the living room bathed her face and the drying tear tracks lining her sides.

A sharp stab speared him through the chest and made him turn around and quietly close to door to their bedroom. He sighed deep and long and rested his back against the wall by the doorframe.

He knew then that he wouldn't be getting even a wink of sleep that night.

* * *

Black Star was grateful for his luck that the following day he had to leave extra early after his morning work-out so he wouldn't have to wonder for too long what to say to Tsubaki in the oppressive atmosphere that had filled the room the moment both of them were present in it.

He knew this couldn't go on. He knew he had to do something, to fix things somehow.

His problem was that he had no idea how.

He knew for a fact he was right. There was no way he'd make a good father. He wanted people to look up to him and worship him, he loved it when people tried to follow in his wake only to realize that he was way more than they could ever aspire to be when they fell short of his achievements. But he didn't think he'd be able to take things as lightheartedly if he failed his son or daughter.

And he couldn't afford that.

He knew that if he were to have a child, he would love him or her dearly—it would be his and Tsubaki's flesh and blood! How could he not? And that's exactly why he couldn't bear thinking about all the countless ways in which he could disappoint them.

He had grown a lot since first joining Shibusen but he was still a child at heart and mind. How could she expect him, barely more than a kid himself, to raise a kid?! This was completely unheard of.

He was staring off Shibusen's roof balcony, the gentle breeze ruffling his hair as he stood there immobile, absorbed in his thoughts, when he felt a familiar presence approach him from behind.

"Well, that's a rare sight," the familiar gruff voice spoke up as its possessor stepped closer. "Seeing you so engrossed in thoughts. Should I be on the lookout for any natural disasters or other cataclysmic events?"

Black Star allowed himself a lopsided grin as he looked to the side at his white-haired best friend who was leaning on the railing next to him.

"You look like hell," he told Soul who sneered.

"Thanks," he muttered sarcastically. "The kid's been rough on us lately—waking up at odd hours, being more needy than usual, getting rowdier and more opinionated…" His friend nodded pensively to his side and this made the Death Scythe eye him warily. "You don't look much better yourself. What's going on?"

"Didn't sleep either," the blue-haired assassin muttered, turning around to rest his back against the railing.

Soul cocked an eyebrow at his friend's unusual lack of eloquence, not to mention the absence of denial. Black Star always deflected claims like that, proceeding to boaster how someone who has surpassed the gods couldn't possibly be subject to fatigue.

The fact he now wasn't doing that made the weapon tense.

"Something going on?" he prompted carefully when his buddy of almost nine years refused to continue on his own.

Black Star stood there, quiet for a while, as he looked up at the orange and magenta hues the sky was shifting between as the sun set.

"Tsubaki got pregnant," he told his friend simply.

"Wow!" the white-haired young man uttered, a surprised expression seizing his features. "Congratulations then! Quite some big news you got there! No wonder you couldn't rest well."

"She's not keeping it," Black Star continued morosely. He paused for a heartbeat before adding, "I wanted her not to keep it."

At this, Soul's previous joy melted like ice in the summer sun.

"Oh," he said intelligently, shifting his gaze to the other part of the balcony as he was unsure what else to say. "Don't feel ready to be a father?"

Black Star shook his head slowly, still staring ahead.

Soul was starting to feel distinctly uncomfortable in this situation, since he'd never had to deal with Black Star when he was like this before.

His red eyes widened slightly when he realized that was because the guy usually talked to his partner about things like this, about anything that made him feel insecure. But the fact that Tsubaki was part of what was keeping him up at night now probably made her an unwanted choice for a listener in this conversation.

"I don't think I will ever be ready to be a father." His friend's words drew the Death Scythe out of his little trance, bringing him back to the matter at hand.

He sighed and turned around to lean his back against the railing as well.

"No one's ever really ready to become a parent," he told Black Star easily, making his companion give him a searching look. Soul smiled reassuringly. "Hell, _I_ wasn't ready to become a father but I did. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me—I didn't think I could be happier when it was just me and Maka but it turned out I was wrong. I could and I _am_ happier now than I was before."

The assassin sighed through his nose and shifted his eyes to stare at his feet. Soul knew he wasn't convinced in what he was telling him.

So he pushed on.

"Black Star, if I can be a good father, you can be a fantastic one. And if Maka's words on the matter are to be trusted, I'm doing fairly well with the parenting thing." The blue-haired man smirked mirthlessly, still staring at some undetermined point in the distance. "You'd understand your kid better than anyone else would and you'd know how to make them smile. And those are two of the most important things you'll have to do."

"What if you're wrong?" the other youth muttered darkly, and the coldness of his tone made Soul stare at him in wonder. "What if I'm not? It would be too late once it's made a fact."

"So you're not even going to try, because you could fail?" The Death Scythe's brows rose over his eyes. "That doesn't sound like you at all."

"This isn't a game, Soul," Black Star grinded out, his fingers tightening around the metal of the railing. The man by his side could almost swear he could see dents with the form of his friend's fingers forming in the pipe.

"You're right, it isn't. It's very serious and you realizing this is proof that I'm not going to be wrong." He turned to his fellow who gave him a guarded unconvinced look. "Black Star, I know how scary it is when you're about to become a dad but you shouldn't be intimidated."

The assassin huffed.

"Scared? I'm not _scared_. What's there to be scared of? A little baby wrapped up in diapers that can hardly do anything worse to me than _cry_?" He huffed again, shaking his head while his friend smiled knowingly at him.

"You _are_ scared," he assured him, much to Black Star's chagrin, "and you have every right to be. It is scary and it would be even scarier if you had to raise the kid alone. But you're not going to be raising it alone. Tsubaki will be there for you, and whenever you're not sure you're doing the right thing, she's going to show you. So you have no reason to be worried because you're going to do a good job."

His azure-haired friend sighed deeply, letting his eyes slide shut. Soul heaved a sigh as well.

"Trust me on this—if you abort it now, you might feel better for a while. But next year, or the year after it, or ten years from now when you decide you want to become parents, you will regret not giving this a chance. Or it might be too late or too risky for Tsubaki. And she really would've given up her dream family so she could be with you—do you think that kind of pressure wouldn't affect your relationship?"

Black Star gave his friend a wide-eyed look that said volumes to Soul about how far ahead he'd been able to see before he'd said anything. He nodded slowly, deliberately.

"Yeah—think about those things before you decide to do anything. You might be making a rash decision."

And with those last profound words, the Death Scythe retreated from the balcony where the air was starting to get chilly since the sun had set upon him and his friend.

On his way down the stairs from the roof, he met Maka who smiled warmly at him and instantly rid him of the chill that the wind had given him.

"Ready to go?" she asked him good-naturedly as she accompanied him down the stairs.

"Yep," Soul confirmed as he watched his step.

"Were you talking with Black Star up there? I saw you both go up a while ago. Is everything alright?" she asked curiously, peering closely at her significant other's face.

"Yeah, everything's fine. He was just tired from overstraining himself with exercise lately – he wanted to know that cure of yours for sore muscles."

Maka nodded and smiled as she turned to look at her steps as well. She wondered whether Black Star had any idea how great a friend he had in Soul, who was willing to hide whatever the two of them had talked about up there on the roof even from his loving, lawfully wedded wife.

The only problem neither of the men even knew about was that Soul had never been a very convincing liar when it came to concealing things from Maka.

* * *

"You're not going to come to bed tonight either?" Tsubaki asked from the bedroom, her voice pulling him out of his video game-playing reverie.

It had been an awkward evening and an awkward meal, with the promise of an even more awkward night. He couldn't exactly be blamed for his reluctance to tread further into the awkwardness.

He turned off the console and the TV then languidly made his way to their bedroom, taking his shirt and trousers off with ease. He climbed on the bed obediently, laying by his girlfriend's side and staring into the darkness in the general direction of the ceiling.

They lapsed in silence for a while, neither saying anything but both perfectly aware the other wasn't asleep yet.

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, almost making her do a double-take.

She turned her head on the pillow to look at him, confusion written all over her face.

"For what?" she queried, still not understanding where the unusual earnestness was coming from. It had been a very weird couple of days for them and he was hardly doing anything to make them any better.

"For making you cry so much last night," he said in a whisper.

She propped herself up on her elbow and looked down at him, now very much taken aback by his meekness. This was definitely not the Black Star she knew and loved. She'd had the sneaking suspicion something was wrong since yesterday—he had something on his mind that he didn't want to share with her—but now she was certain it was true.

"Black Star, are you alright?" She voiced her worry, her brow furrowing. "You've been really out of it for the past couple of days."

He laughed but the sound lacked its usual luster and boisterousness. It pained her how forced it sounded.

"I'm great—I'm always great!" He paused, changing his pose on the bed. "Are you… going to be alright?"

To a more inexperienced listener, it might've sounded like he was concerned just about her mental well-being for the last two days. But to Tsubaki, it was evident that he was trying to make peace with whatever was torturing him and what she'd told him she'd do.

She smiled sadly and was glad for the darkness that enveloped them. She rested her head on his chest and sighed slowly through her nose.

"Yeah, I'll be fine," she informed him quietly, making herself comfortable against him. She felt instantly better when she felt his palm rest against the small of her back. "I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow." She allowed a moment of silence to pass before she added, to make sure he understood what she was saying, "I might be a bit late—I don't know how long the abortion procedure will take." She laughed with no humour in the sound. "It's my first time doing it."

Why did he feel like that information dropped on his chest like a giant boulder, restricting the proper function of his lungs?

Not trusting himself to speak right then, he just nodded. He was doing the right thing, right?

Tsubaki crawled up against him, nuzzling her nose against his neck. Her warm breath fanned against his flesh and tickled him.

"I'm not letting anything come between us. Not when I'm in the exact place I want to be in my life," she told him as she kissed the crook of his neck.

He was temporarily distracted from the morbid direction his thought train had been going by the blatantly possessive note in her voice. He'd always known that she cared for him and that she loved him, but she was rarely ever forceful in any way about her feelings towards him.

He found her decisiveness and possessiveness to be a great turn on since he'd always insisted she ought to be a bit more opinionated or rather more vociferous about her opinions.

When she continued trailing kisses along his jaw line and the column of his neck, he got the message and obliged with her, turning his head to capture her lips in a slow kiss which quickly escalated passion-wise.

He couldn't understand how she could want him after what had happened the previous night thanks to him, but then again he wasn't going to complain.

For once he was going to put her needs and wants much before his, until he felt at least a bit less guilty about this whole predicament.

An hour and a half later, they both lay on their backs on the bed, their bodies slick with sweat and other bodily fluids and their breathing shallow and laboured. Black Star swallowed thickly as he regained his breath sooner than his counterpart, turning his head to look at her in the scarce light the moon was casting in their bedroom.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his index finger gently, drawing her attention to him with his random show of endearment.

He stared into her beautiful navy eyes, marveling at how her face was glowing and how beautiful she was with her head spread out around her messily like a black halo. He could barely believe that this woman—this breathtakingly wonderful woman—was his and wanted to remain his more than anything else she wanted in her life.

"Do you want to keep the baby?" he asked her huskily. His question made her flinch and stiffen slightly.

"Why do you—"

"Do you?" he insisted simply, making her halt in her would-have-been rant.

She sighed softly through her nose as she spooned against his side.

"I do."

"You said you wanted to have my children. Why? What makes you think I'd be a good father? Aren't you worried what could happen?" Tsubaki looked oddly at him through the darkness, nonplussed by the fact his pulse had quickened under her palm that was placed over his chest.

"You're loving, you're devoted, you're kind and you never give anything you do less than your one-hundred and twenty percent," she said with a smile and he couldn't help a slight upward quirk of his own lips. "I _know_ you'd be a great father. Call it a woman's intuition, if you want to."

He chuckled and helped her make herself comfortable by his side, pulling up the covers around them since they'd been kicked off and completely forgotten during their previous,… ahem, activities.

"You know, I've heard that it's very important sometimes whether a woman wants to get pregnant with a man's baby or not. People have records of women not ovulating having conceived a child with the men they slept with, simply because they wanted it to happen." Tsubaki gave a tired little laugh that rumbled softly against his chest. Her eyes were closed and he could hear in her voice that she was drifting off. "I guess I'm living proof that it can happen. But don't worry—it'll go away tomorrow and we'll be able to go back to our lives."

He rubbed lazy circles into her back, planting a gentle kiss to her forehead before turning his gaze to stare at the ceiling through the darkness.

Her breathing had become shallow and even and he knew she had dozed off.

Her words, however, haunted him and even though he was tired and worn, sleep did not claim him that night either.

* * *

He opened his bleary eyes, looking around the bedroom bathed in the light of the sun. The fact he felt more bushed than when he'd gone to bed made him realize he'd obviously fallen asleep at some point but it hadn't been enough to get him to fully regenerate from his fatigue. Judging by how bright the light filtering through the curtains was, he estimated it was about eleven.

Which automatically meant he had missed his morning work-out—he had slept all the way through it.

He sighed through his nose, displeased, pushing himself up into a sitting position and kicking his feet off the edge of the bed. Tsubaki was nowhere to be found so he figured she must've risen earlier and let him sleep in.

He found her in the living room, putting away the dishes from her breakfast. He blinked languidly, having a hard time assimilating what was happening around him.

"Oh, you're up," she said cheerily, smiling at him as she found him standing idly by the doorframe of the bedroom. Even in his current disoriented state, he could tell there was a fakeness in her abundant cheerfulness. "I didn't want to wake you, so I got up and went on to prepare breakfast."

She motioned towards the dining table where his share lay, still steaming. He nodded dumbly and grunted before slowly trudging towards the bathroom to splash some water in his face, hoping that would help him wake up.

When he came out ten minutes later, much more coherent and aware of his surroundings, he found her buttoning up her shirt and looking about ready to leave. His brow furrowed in confusion while he made his way for the tasty meal she had prepared him. He was _starving_ and he suspected it had something to do with his sleep deprivation.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked her intrigued as he sat himself on the table.

"Yes—my appointment with the doctor is in half an hour. I have to hurry or I'll be late," she muttered, tying her shoelaces in haste.

She unlocked the front door to their apartment, cracking it open. However, before she could turn around and call her good-bye to him, a large arm lined with sinewy muscle penetrated her vision, pushing the door closed.

She traced the length of the limb back to its possessor who was looking at her with the most undecipherable look she had seen on him. She could see steadfast determination in his emerald gaze even though she had no idea what it was intended for.

Tsubaki opened her mouth to ask him what was wrong but before she had a chance to do that, he spoke up.

"Call the doctor," he ordered coolly, making her brows rise even higher over her eyes. "Tell him you're cancelling the appointment."

The world must've stopped making any sense because she had never been more confused in her entire life than when in that very moment.

* * *

_A/N:_ So how's this for crisis handling by yours truly? :D

I hope that you have a happy, happy Easter~


	4. Stage Four: Relief

_Stage Four: Relief_

* * *

The feeling of déjà vu attacked Tsubaki ruthlessly when once again for such a short time she felt like all she could hear was the roar of her violently pumped blood in the vessels in her ears.

She was sure she must've misheard him because it wasn't possible that he was telling her what she believed she had heard.

When his unwavering, steely green gaze did not falter for even a nanosecond while he regarded her, she couldn't help the swell of hope that maybe, just _maybe_…!

"W-what?" was the smartest response she managed, blinking confusedly at her significant other, who in turn refused to move from his spot of blocking her exit.

"Call the doctor and tell him you changed your mind. That you don't need that appointment anymore." He ordered her coolly, with his most collected and level tone she had heard him use and if she'd been in the right state of mind, she'd have noticed how fishy that was.

But as it was her mind was too busy with mental links that were short-circuiting because of the clash of what she wanted to believe and what she was willing to let herself believe—much too busy to allow much mental resource to be spared for anything else.

"What do you mean?" Her hand that was still on the door handle tightened its hold on the metal and her free one clenched into a small fist by her side as her whole being was arrested with anticipation.

To an oblivious onlooker, she might have sounded a bit slow. Maybe even slightly retarded mentally, not to be able to make such an easy cause-effect connection. But to anyone who knew the first thing about the woman it would be obvious that she needed to ascertain that it was _okay to hope_ because what she wanted him to say was exactly what he was saying. And if it was and he was then, then—!

"You want to keep the kid, right?" His stony look melted into a smile then—his trademark ear-reaching grin that made her heart infallibly leap a mile a second. "Then let's keep it. If Maka and Soul can do it, it can't be all _that_ hard, can it? This parenting thing."

He laughed heartily in that way that was distinctly him and the rich sound echoed into her very soul, awakened all the parts of her that had been stricken with grief and pain the last couple of days—parts of her that she thought would take an eternity to regain again after the weight her loss would've placed on them.

Maybe she should've been angry with him—one moment he said one thing, the next he changed his mind to the exact opposite. It almost felt like he was testing her, like he was just jerking her around, as if he was doing it on purpose just to torture her.

But she wasn't angry at all. She wasn't, because she knew that he probably had a reason why he'd been so adamant about not wanting to be a parent, but—like he always did—he refused to tell her. And while she didn't like the fact he did not confide all his problems in her, she wouldn't pry—she knew that if she had to know, he'd tell her when he was ready.

She should've been angry and she had every right to be.

But she wasn't.

She was too relieved, too happy, too filled to the brim with glee that those didn't allow room for a different array of emotions. All she could think of was that _thank God he had changed his mind_ and _this is going to be wonderful_ and, fuelled by those emotions, she couldn't stop herself from throwing her arms around his neck and hugging him tight to herself.

She felt so overwhelmed by the intricate concoction of feelings that were raging in her—most probably amplified by the beginning hormonal changes in her body—that she couldn't help the tears from overflowing from her eyes and streaming down her sides.

As Tsubaki held onto her lover for dear life, rambling all the great things that would be and how this would change their every days for the better, Black Star leaned into her with a grin and with a much lighter heart…

…but, sadly, with no more conviction in her words than he'd had before.

* * *

The following weeks and months found Black Star to be the most involved and opportunistic young would-be father there had probably ever been in the history of the world.

He took keen interest in any information she had to volunteer about how the pregnancy was supposed to go, what the things that would need taking care of were and everything that needed to be done in order for their unborn child and its mother to undergo as little stress as possible. He was so devoted to lessening her load whenever possible in various ways and always being by her side that it was practically like he was glued to her hip, holding her hand throughout the entire process.

She appreciated his concern and was more than happy over his enthusiasm—of course!—but somehow it all seemed just a bit… _off_, even though she couldn't quite put her finger on in what way exactly that was.

She didn't let that matter keep her up at night though. Not when everything she had wanted was becoming true and reality more than surpassed her expectations.

* * *

Tsubaki wondered whether she could pin her constant drowsiness on being pregnant—she'd begun taking regular naps and no matter how much she slept, it was never enough to rid her of her sleepiness.

As she stood half-awake in front of the large mirror in her and Black Star's bedroom, she rubbed her eyes to rid them of residual slumber. She could almost swear her lids were blinking out of sync and she looked like she'd been chewed on and spat out by some sort of ruminating animal.

While she studied her reflection in the mirror she noticed that jutting out just slightly from under her tank top was a small bump in her stomach. She smiled warmly at it and rubbed it dotingly. She was three months along now and in just half a year, her son or daughter would come to be in the world and she could hardly wait for that time to come.

There were so many things about this child that fascinated her beyond belief even before he or she was born. For an instance, would it be a boy or a girl? After which one of its parents would it take after? Would it be rowdy and make a lot of fuss—like she imagined Black Star had when he was a child—or would it be a quiet, calm baby—like her mother had told her she had been as an infant? Would it connect better with her or her significant other when it grew up enough to clearly communicate his or her thoughts? Would it listen to their advice when it became a teenager? Would it find the same kind of love that she and Black Star had?

She was still deeply engrossed in such thoughts while she made her way out of the bedroom, a dreamy smile curving the corners of her lips as she walked into the living room. The young woman was slightly surprised by what she found there.

Smack in front of the television and seated cross-legged on the floor instead of on the comfy couch that was right behind him was Black Star, staring with his mouth agape and his eyes wide at some kind of program that was on. When she directed her attention to what he was watching with such avid interest, she found it to be a documentary about the "trials and tribulations of pregnancy" on the International Geographic channel.

She couldn't help a little laugh as she moved to sit behind him, looking more at the back of his head and soaking in his reactions to what he was watching than paying much heed to the program.

"How cool is that?!" he finally exclaimed after a while, giving her a sparkly look that she couldn't stop herself from smiling at. "You get to help and protect a tiny life until it can exist on its own—that's so awesome! Even considering that this God guy isn't nearly as big as I am, he did a damn good job of how people should come to be in this world. It's really neat."

Tsubaki laughed and placed her chin on her propped up palm, wondering whether he'd feel the same way when he witnessed the actual birth.

Once the show was over, she couldn't help the feelings that started stirring in her from rearing their head though. She'd had the sneaking suspicion that he was forcing himself into acting like this and that didn't sit right with her at all.

She didn't want him to go out of his way to pretend to act in a way he didn't feel. It didn't seem right to her.

"Black Star, you've really made a U-turn from your previous attitude about this," she observed astutely, her smile slipping away.

"Yup—I'm seeing this whole situation in a completely different light," he agreed readily spying a glance at her over his shoulder. "I thought that was what you wanted."

His lover shifted her gaze away from his back to the furthest wall, her teeth sinking gently in her lower lip.

"It is," she reasoned slowly. "It's just that… I don't want you to force yourself to do things you don't feel like. That's all."

"What do you want me to do then?" His voice suddenly sounded so void of any emotion whatsoever that she knew that she'd entered into a topic that was still rather tentative for him.

She shrugged stiffly.

"Just… be yourself. Be like you always are. You don't need to act any different just because things are starting to change." She put her dainty hand on his head and intertwined her fingers in his short azure spikes of hair. "We're in this together, so you don't need to strain yourself too much to be someone you aren't because that's not what I'm expecting from you."

"What did you expect then?" This time he turned around to look into her eyes and search them for unspoken answers.

In turn, in his she saw the demons and ghosts she'd been afraid had been haunting him for a while and her heart shrank in her chest. She wanted so badly to ask what was wrong, what he was so worried about that he had been ready to give up on his own flesh and blood before even giving it a chance at life but she quelled the urge. She knew that he would come to her when he felt like it, and until then she'd have to be patient.

Waiting was painful and trying… but waiting was all she could really do in these situations.

"I just want you to be here with me and to know that you care—you don't need to go out of your way to prove it true every step of the way."

He smirked slightly for the first time since the conversation had turned so morbidly serious. It made the load on her chest lessen a bit.

"I do care. And I will be here with you throughout it all." He propped himself up by his elbow to reach her for a chaste kiss. "We're in this together, right?"

She smiled briefly before she leaned in to lock their lips again.

* * *

The weekly Death Scythe meeting had gone longer than usual and it was already twilight outside when Tsubaki hurriedly made her way home.

The reason she was in haste was that right before going in for the meeting, Black Star had told her he had something important to talk about with her so she should come straight home afterwards. And she knew her lover well enough to know that when he said he had something serious to discuss with her, it was definitely something of vital importance to either him or her, or possibly even for both of them.

Her pulse was intermittently fluttering as she made her way up the stairs towards their apartment, hoping that he wasn't thinking she was trying to avoid him by coming home purposefully late.

However, that wasn't why she was feeling nervous.

Her heart was racing because she had a feeling that whatever he had to tell her, it would somehow alter their lives in some way or another—the way every serious talk did, some more subtly than others.

When she all but burst into the apartment to find it empty and with the lights turned off she felt her heart sink. She swallowed dryly and ventured slowly inside the abode, switching on the lights as she went.

While passing by the kitchen table, she saw out of the corner of her eye a sheet of paper that did not belong there. Upon further inspection, she found it to be a note, scribbled in Black Star's messy handwriting.

It said that he was on the roof and was waiting for her to join him there.

Tsubaki released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and the tension eased out of her squared shoulders while she pocketed the note with a small smile. She turned on her heel and skipped out the door in direction of the living building's roof.

She found him with his hands stuffed in his pockets and his head tilted up to look at the starry sky and the moon shining above the city. She joined his side, scrutinizing his face briefly before turning her attention to the night sky as well, marveling at the beauty of the shining heavenly bodies.

They stayed in comfortable silence for a while and Tsubaki was starting to wonder whether he was even aware of her presence next to him but before she could act upon her ponderings, he spoke up.

"Do you remember that day nine years ago, when we got our first soul?" he asked coolly, gaze still pinned to the sky.

He asked even though she knew he was well aware there was no way for her to forget that particular mission, for more than one reason. But she guessed it had some kind of connection to what he wanted to tell her, so she confirmed, never the sort of person to get in people's way when they meant to make a point.

"I told you then that I hate long stories—my own long stories doubly so." She snuck a peek at his profile while he talked, wondering where he was going with this.

"I remember," she affirmed and heard him exhale slowly through his nose. He let his eyes settle on the edge of the roof instead of on the stars twinkling above them.

"I still feel the same but I know there are some things you couldn't possibly find out unless I say them out loud." His hands shifted in his pants pockets and she got the impression that they had clenched into fists. "I told you about my family back then, right?"

"About the Star clan and… what happened to them, yes," she supplied helpfully, hoping to relieve some of the burden of whatever he was getting at.

He nodded curtly, that far-off look still etched deeply into his eyes and face.

"You know about my folks then." He paused for a bit, whether to collect his thoughts or his composure she didn't know. "They weren't exactly "role model" material with all the pillaging and plundering they had been doing. I never had a mother to teach me right from wrong. I never had a father to show me what to do once I distinguished between them. I never really had a family before I met you."

Tsubaki was silent by his side, her gift of speech suddenly fleeing her vocal chords.

"Sid helped me through a lot when I was a kid but he was more a guardian that watches over you from the side than a parent. I'm grateful to him for helping me become who I am today but it doesn't change the fact that I have never been raised by anyone. I'm a big man so I don't have any doubts about what I can achieve with my own life."

She smiled slightly at that, pride swelling in her chest at that.

"But I still have no idea what it means to be part of a family and how it all works. And the fact that my own parents turned out to be such a—…" He bit on the word that he'd been about to say, his gaze turning ill-temperedly to the ledge of the roof. "That they turned out to be what they are isn't a very reassuring notion about what kind of father I could turn out to be."

Horror painted Tsubaki's features as she listened to what her counterpart was saying. The grimace deepened as realization began to dawn on her.

"Is that why you didn't want the baby? Because you're afraid you'd turn out to be like your parents?" When he failed to deny her, the terror extended to seizing her entire being. "Black Star, you are not your mother or father. You are _nothing_ like them and the last time I checked, you had no plans of straying towards the path of the Kishin."

He shook his head.

"It doesn't matter whether I really become a demon or not—as long as I turn out to be a disappointment for the kid, it's all the same."

She could hardly believe what she was hearing.

Nine years ago, when he'd divulged that information about his kin, she had hardly thought his issues ran as deep as this.

Still, she was so outraged by his claim that she reacted instinctively, huffing and crossing her arms over her ample chest a bit petulantly.

"Huh! No child of mine could ever be disappointed by the love of my life!" She proceeded to scowl at the night, refusing to believe that such a thing occurring was even possible.

To her side, Black Star who had thrown her a curious glance during her outburst chuckled to himself as he closed his eyes. A blissful smile laced his features while he let her words sink in. This was why he loved this woman—during all his ups and downs, his highs and lows, she never stopped believing in him, never doubted him for even a second even when he wasn't all that sure of himself.

He had been wowed by her readiness to sacrifice her biggest dream for him and now he knew that not allowing her to do so could very well be the best decision he had ever made.

(Of course, that didn't change the fact that the mere notion of fatherhood still made him feel slightly twitchy and uncertain, but he'd get over it in due time—he _hoped_…)

And as she adamantly denied any possibility of him being anything less than a perfect dad to their son or daughter, he knew that what he was doing now was the right thing.

"I have no idea what it means to have a family but if there's anyone with whom I'd want to find out about it, it's definitely you, Tsubaki."

He looked at her meaningfully then and she smiled at him.

Before she could say anything though, he laughed awkwardly and pulled out one of his hands from his pocket, rubbing the back of his neck in a semi-nervous gesture. She blinked at him curiously, wondering why he'd suddenly be feeling uncomfortable.

"I've told you before that I'd put the fate of my soul in your hands and that I'd stay by your side until the day I die, but now seems like the sort of time those promises should be made official." He cleared his throat and looked away from her inquiring marine gaze.

She could almost swear she saw a blush spread on his cheeks before he fully managed to turn his head away from her scrutiny. This only made her even more curious what he was trying to say.

"What do you mean, 'make them official'? We live together, everyone knows we're together and they know that I'm carrying your child. How much more obvious can we get?" She tittered to herself and was even more amused by his continued avoidance of her gaze.

"This is probably not how you imagined this would be like but it's the only way I know to do things, so…"

She raised her brows in mute expectation while she waited for him to finish his sentence.

"Marry me."

She blinked profusely with an expressionless look on her face while the two little words echoed dully in her mind, holding great meaning but her consciousness not quite managing to connect with it at first. When she finally realized what he had just asked her—and the imploring way he was staring at her—she tried to force her jumbled mind to work.

"W-what?" she mumbled barely coherently, her eyes wide and conflicted. "A-are you serious?"

If the depth of his expression hadn't been clue enough as to the answer to her last query, the small metal band he procured tentatively from his pocket definitely conveyed the seriousness of his words.

Tsubaki stared at him vacantly, slightly slack-jawed from complete bafflement, for a full minute of perfect silence.

Even someone as big as Black Star would begin feeling a bit fidgety in this kind of weird situation but before he could do or say anything, her arms wrapped around his neck and she kissed him with more ardour, love and devotion than he had believed anyone could ever communicate with such a simple action.

He took the kiss as a resounding "yes".

* * *

When she had been a little girl, Tsubaki had always dreamt of a day when she would fall in love with a sweet and wonderful man who would love her just as much as she did him. He would be kind and generous, romantic and gentle and he would make her feel loved and adored every second of every day.

She had yearned for a romantic relationship built on trust and love—a bond that would withstand the strains of time and trial, that would make her life more colourful, give it more meaning and make every day worth living to the full. She had imagined a perfect wedding, with all their friends and family bearing witness to the righteousness of their union and to the happiness they would build from then on. She had dreamt of standing next to the love of her life and telling the world just how much she loved him, how much he meant to her and that she would be by his side till death did them apart.

Then she'd grown up and entered Shibusen.

And met Black Star.

She'd found it amazing how he could be nothing like what she had dreamt of as a child and at the same time be exactly like it in all the ways that mattered.

It had taken her a while to realize and differentiate exactly what it was that she'd felt about him. It took her some time to figure out that the way she believed in him, the way she put all her trust in him, how she willingly put her life on the line for him and _knew_ that he wouldn't let her come to any harm was not just because he was her partner. Her deep founded trust and understanding for him stemmed from the fact that she'd loved him—everything about him: both his virtues and his vices, the good and the bad—even before she'd known she did.

He'd become a necessity for her to continue functioning normally even in her everyday life before she'd realized it. And when she did, she knew that he was everything she needed and wanted, even though he was nothing like the Prince Charming of her childhood dreams.

But being with Black Star meant that she'd have to give up her fantasy of ever getting married.

There was just something about him that made her believe in every fiber of her being that he just wasn't the marrying kind.

It's not like he didn't love her enough to propose to her or that he was planning on leaving her at any point of his life—no; she wasn't stupidly insecure enough to think that kind of crap. She knew that just as he was the only man she could ever give her heart to, she was the only one he would ever truly let into his, too.

She just knew that he didn't think a measly piece of paper that claimed them lawfully wedded was either a proof or rebuttal of how he felt about her, which in turn made marriage a useless institution to him. And in being useless, it was completely pointless to bother with at all.

She understood all of this well without even needing to ask him about it.

And she had been surprised at how okay she was with it.

Of course, it would be splendid if she could get married to him now that she had found him—the love of her life, her _soul mate_. But she wasn't going to complain even if she didn't because his point of view did ring true—she didn't need the country, or her family and friends to recognize their union. Even if they did, it wouldn't make her love him any more or any less – it wouldn't make any difference at all.

So what was the point of doing it in the first place then?

That was what Tsubaki had believed for the eight years she had spent as the girlfriend of the man who had surpassed the gods.

And she had been perfectly content to stay as such.

And still, when he proposed to her, such a grand wave of glee and joy had washed over her and seized her entire being that it made her realize just how much she'd really wanted this to happen, regardless of when and how.

He later told her that he'd asked because he didn't want any child of his to be born out of wedlock and thus be called a bastard by its peers. From the seriousness of the look in his eyes, she guessed that he'd had some not quite pleasant experiences with name calling in his own childhood that made him feel so strongly about this but she didn't ask—she didn't need nor want to know, because whatever had hurt him once would probably affect her doubly so now. (She knew that some things were better left unsaid and some parts of one's past untouched.)

The fact that he had considered that matter even before she had made her even happier than she already was. It didn't matter to her what exactly had prompted him to ask her—what mattered was that he had and she had agreed without even a fleeting second thought and _things were just getting better by the day_.

They had agreed that the current time wasn't the best for planning and holding a real ceremony. So they would just put their signatures on the legal papers that acknowledged them as joined in lawful matrimony and postpone the grand wedding plans for after the baby was born.

The Nakatsukasa heiress could barely believe a person could feel as much happiness and contentment as she did at that very point in her life.

* * *

Black Star heaved a sigh as he plopped himself gracelessly in his chair in the Shibusen staff room. He opened his can of soda with practiced ease with his eyes already skimming over the text of the magazine on his desk.

His arrival made Soul glance up fleetingly to see his best friend seated across from him before he turned his crimson gaze back to what he'd been doing.

An easy smile began to dawn on the Death Scythe's lips—the assassin finally looked like himself and he was back to his natural behaviour. All was right with the world again, Soul deduced to himself as he busied himself with writing the report Shinigami-sama expected from him by the afternoon.

Just before he looked away though, something drew the white-haired weapon's attention to his friend's hand that was holding the tin can. He briefly pondered what exactly it had been that had drawn him from his work when a soft metallic glint reflected the light from his best buddy's finger to his sensitive retina.

Soul cocked an eyebrow as he watched Black Star sip unperturbedly from his drink, oblivious to his mounting wonder.

"I thought you said wearing anything on your fingers made it difficult to fight and had you feeling confined," the scythe said, pulling the other man's attention from his read to him.

"It does," he agreed readily. Soul's brow rose even further.

"Then why are you wearing that?" He motioned to his friend's left hand that was holding the can of soda.

Black Star took a look at his hand as well before a goofy grin seized his features.

"Oh, that. I think I'm going to make an exception for that one."

If Soul didn't know any better, he could almost swear that what his friend was wearing was a wedding band on his left ring finger.

* * *

Tsubaki had heard different things from different women about being pregnant.

For Maka, it had been the worst period of her life—she'd felt incapacitated, bloated in the later stages and utterly useless throughout the entirety of it. She'd abhorred the morning sickness, the sore feet and the constantly hurting joints and she'd complained more times than could be counted about the violent way her son had kept her up at night, kicking around in her belly as if he were a player on a soccer field.

For Kim, it had been the most amazing experience; she'd felt more alive and like her existence had a greater purpose while she was pregnant than she had ever felt before in her entire life. She didn't mind the pain and the discomfort because she'd been so engrossed marveling at the miracle of getting to nurture a growing life until it was mature enough to breathe and feed on its own. When her daughter had begun kicking, the woman had been so excited she'd practically started bouncing on her feet.

As her pregnancy progressed and she started growing, Tsubaki discovered her own ambiguous attitude towards the process. Having thrown up only four times in total in her entire twenty-six years of life up to that point, she didn't care much for the morning sickness and the queasiness but she was willing to accept that for the sake of the greater good. Her tastes and the oddest food cravings she got at the weirdest hours of the day confused even her but with Black Star humouring her every whim and in record time, she didn't get much chance to dwell on that matter either.

In fact, she reckoned that because of the fact he went far out of his way to please her and make everything easier on her, to make her feel as comfortable and relaxed as possible, she barely got to feel the weight of the child growing in her womb.

When they went grocery shopping, he insisted that the only thing she carried be the grocery list; when she started rubbing her joints to ease the tension from them, he readily aided her in massaging, being the one more closely acquainted with pressure points in the body and joint aches; whenever she had any kind of whimsy that needed satisfying, he was always ready to comply.

She still wondered whether he wasn't pushing himself with this, but whatever his reasons she was infinitely grateful for the support he was giving her.

She'd been slightly embarrassed by having to attend childbirth classes but when he'd volunteered to come along and alleviated her worries with an occasionally cracked joke or another, she didn't feel as silly and incapable as she had before. His whisper in her ear during their first time in the class that no one was born all-knowing had definitely helped still her worries on that matter.

And thus, the months flew by, with the date of her term coming ever nearer.

* * *

The woman heaved a sigh and leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, putting a hand under her large belly. Lately all she'd been doing—or rather, what Black Star had limited her in doing—was sleeping, reading in bed, eating and going to the bathroom a million times a day. The constant pains and cramps definitely didn't help her case any either and she was starting to see why Maka had been so grouchy about her own pregnancy.

Tsubaki looked around, still slightly disoriented from having just awoken from an afternoon nap. She hadn't seen Black Star since lunch and the fact there was no trace of him in the living room only made her even more curious what he was up to.

She exerted a bit off effort to make her way across the room towards the bedroom that years ago been his but which they had turned into something of a storage room since they'd started dating.

She pushed the door open and blinked at the sight that was revealed before her.

The room that had been so cluttered with all sorts of forgotten and unnecessary things either of them didn't have the heart to throw out had for the first time in almost a decade order restored to it. Her husband—she still couldn't get used to the sound of it, even though it was already a fact and it still made her as childishly giddy as it had the first time he had told her—had stacked all the boxes and knick-knack in neat piles and pushed them in the furthest corner, leaving plenty of space to move in the room.

But rather than his tidying skills, she was more impressed with the fact that he was sitting in his typical Indian-style pose in the middle of the premise with a half-assembled baby crib. He was holding up a large plan of how the object was supposed to be put together but by the comical frown that was on his face and the depth of his scrutiny she could tell it wasn't going as well as he'd probably initially hoped.

As she watched him wrestle the wooden parts into their rightful places, Tsubaki's face broke out into a wide grin.

"I like what you've done with the place," she said cheekily, pulling him out of his constructing reverie. "Need any help reading the prints?" she asked politely, her good mood permeating her very speech.

"No way! Putting together this thing is a piece of cake for someone as epically awesome as myself! You just watch my greatness in action, Tsubaki, and marvel at it!" he enthused while piecing together the four panels with the base.

She would've enjoyed watching him struggle to put the crib together even longer if a sharp stab didn't spear her through the navel in that very moment.

She doubled over in pain and sucked on a breath, but her significant other was too immersed in battling the evil geniuses that come up with the outrageous plans to build that infernal contraption of a baby bed to pay heed to the minute warnings of her change in attitude.

"Black Star?"

"Hmm?"

"I think building the crib will have to wait a bit," his wife said breathlessly, her eyes clutching closed as another searing stab of pain pierced her.

As he had his back to her and he wasn't entirely paying attention, though, her significant other failed to realize the exact meaning of what she was trying to tell him.

"Don't worry, Tsubaki! It won't be long now before my incredible wit triumphs over this silly thing and shows these small folk how tiny they are compared to my largeness—"

"Black Star," she gasped out a bit more forcefully and that's about the time it sunk in that something wasn't exactly right with the way her voice sounded.

When he turned around to look at her and he took in the sight of her features twisted in pain, his face fell. He was on his feet and at her side, supporting her weight, in record time.

"What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed, while holding her hand in his much larger one. Tsubaki let out a strangled gasp and tightened her hold on his fingers.

She opened her mouth to say something but before she could come out with it, her face froze and her eyes widened to rival the size of saucers. Her husband looked expectantly at her, his mind starting to frantically come up with various things that could be happening.

"Are you alright?" he queried worriedly.

"I think my water broke."

From the way she said it he figured that was an important thing, though he had no idea what kind of water they were talking about and what exactly made it as important in this dire moment.

Tsubaki huffed and rolled her eyes. Trust Black Star to go through all sorts of preparations and classes on childbirth and not remember the most crucial key points of them all.

"I'm going into labour." She clenched her eyes shut again, a small moan seething out between her gritted teeth. "The baby's coming."

Well, _damn_…

Black Star considered it safe to say that for the first time in years he had been caught completely off-guard.

* * *

_A/N:_ Of course, "International Geographic" is a gag of "National Geographic", as you probably figured. I like Ookubo's style with doing things like that in canon himself, so I'm tempted to do them in my fics on his work as well. :D Hope it gave you some giggles. xD And also, I am endlessly infatuated with the thought of teacher!Black Star for some reason. It will probably be a notion that will stick until Ookubo proves me wrong in canon. Possibly not even then, if I'm stubborn enough. xD

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and the happenings of it~ It was one of the most fun to write in the entire fic. Also, next chapter will be the last in this story - the end and the epilogue making for a decent-sized last chapter. I hope you like and that you stay tuned to the very end~ Reviews help boost my creativity~ ^^


	5. Stage Five: Ayame

_Stage Five: Ayame_

* * *

The few hours after Tsubaki had told him that the baby was coming out passed by in such a blur that it might have given a lesser man whiplash.

But Black Star was not a lesser man—he was the guy who had surpassed the gods. Getting his wife to the city hospital so she can safely deliver their child wasn't something that could make him panic and feel disoriented.

The news of the fact that _the_ _baby was coming_ though—that was a whole another thing altogether. And, even being as great a man as he was, he had allowed himself a brief moment for nail-biting, panicking and disoriented looking around for help.

All of that fell into the background when Tsubaki gave another pained yell. Years of religious training and harsh missions for the good of mankind had taught him discipline in times of crisis, and those finely honed skills enabled him to calm himself in record time and prioritize all the things that needed to be done in a short amount of time.

He'd been completely rational and extremely efficient at the time. But once he got his significant other in that wheelchair and a nurse sped off with her towards the maternal ward, if you asked him how he'd accomplished getting her there he would've been at a loss as to how to reply. He himself had no idea how they'd arrived there so quick.

But it didn't matter either because what mattered the most was that _some woman he'd never seen before in his life had taken off with his lover and hadn't even given him a backward glance before shamelessly doing so_!

When the thought sunk in, he was just about ready to throw a tantrum, demand that they explain to him what they were doing and tell him where they had taken the love of his life. Before he had a chance to do as he pleased, however, another nurse came up to him with a clipboard in her hands.

He threw her a menacing look when she called out to him. The poor woman started sweating bullets, obviously not used to _this_ particular behaviour on a patient's family's part.

"Sir? A-are you the father?" she stuttered out and barely contained the sigh of relief when the brunt of the murderous aura was no longer on her shoulders.

Black Star hesitated for just a heartbeat before confirming. He'd already told all their friends about it and he and Tsubaki had been talking about a lot of "what if"s and "maybe"s in the months before the baby actually came.

But hearing an outsider ask him that made it seem more realistic.

He was really going to be a father.

His son or daughter was going to come into this world any moment now.

His own flesh and blood that he had helped create and that he would help raise.

He was going to be a dad…

"I need you to fill out this chart while the doctor is checking up on your wife." The nurse's somewhat calmer voice drew him out of his reverie and he nodded dumbly before taking the proffered object.

"Is she alright?" he asked, his full attention once more on the woman.

She felt beads of sweat beginning to form on her brow again but at least the intensity of the man's gaze didn't give her the chills this time. She swallowed thickly and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear in a nervous tic before responding.

"U-um, I'm sure everything will be fine, sir." When he looked like he was going to argue, she added quickly, "A-as soon as you fill out the chart I will take you to your wife's side, I promise."

This seemed to brighten his mood as he set off to writing with a joyous call that made several heads turn and stare curiously at him.

The nurse thought it better not to reprimand this particular individual on his vociferousness. He didn't seem like the type to take well to preaching when he was on edge.

If the previous murderous aura had been any clue, that is.

* * *

Tsubaki's breathing was laboured and she was looking around wildly every few seconds, asking any nurses and doctors who came to check on her whether they had seen a blue-haired man anywhere because she seemed to have lost her husband on the way in.

All the members of the medical staff that passed through her room just smiled reassuringly at her and told her to relax.

And even someone as soft-spoken and good-natured as the Nakatsukasa heiress got a little testy when in severe pain and ignored.

"I will not relax!" the raven-haired Death Scythe roared, making the last nurse she'd asked jump about a foot in the air at her outburst. "I'm in pain, my baby is coming and _no one seems to be in any hurry to tell me where the father of my child is! How the hell am I supposed to relax like this!?_"

The woman tending to her took a step back under the strength of the soon-to-be mother's glare. At that very moment, Tsubaki's nurse was infinitely grateful that looks could not, in fact, kill because if they could, she'd be in much more pain than the would-be mother was.

Much to the nurse's relief, a tall, well-build azure-haired man chose that exact moment to make an entrance, the cheery yell he gave making the hospitalized female turn her attention to him. The medic woman heaved a great sigh, secretly grateful to the guy for the diversion he offered. She'd been on the opinion that the young mother was a nice, calm and patient woman but this only went to prove how deceiving looks could be.

"Black Star!" Tsubaki breathed out in relief, extending her hand for him to take.

Her spouse was at her side in a heartbeat, excitedly chattering away about how complicated things in hospitals were and how many things he didn't understand he'd been asked by folks there before they'd allowed him to join her side and just how outrageous that had been on them because _didn't they know who he was_, couldn't they see the halo over his head and so on and so forth.

She listened to his silly banter with a glowing smile on her face, relieved for the first time in an hour or so.

Her expression faltered when another vicious contraction seized her. Tsubaki's fingers dug hard in his arm and a lesser man may have been in pain from the intensity of her vice-like hold.

But the only thing Black Star felt was worry for his beloved wife, whose lovely face he had never seen twisted in so much pain.

He hoped that his child would hurry up and come out already because he didn't want to see its mother go through any more pain.

* * *

She screamed at the top of her lungs as she pushed.

During her years on Shinigami-sama's force she'd experienced pain of varying intensity and she'd been able to take it every time.

Now though… Now it felt like she wouldn't be able to get through this. Even for a seasoned weapon like her, this was too great a feat. She didn't think she'd be able to make it.

"You're doing great, Tsubaki! As can only be expected of this great me's wife!"

She looked to the side at Black Star who was enthusiastically cheering her on while she clutched to his arm. She gave him a pained smile that looked more like a grimace before her eyes fell on her hand that was holding onto him.

Through all the years she'd been by his side, she'd known that her now husband was a difficult person to physically hurt. He tended to undermine minor injuries and this had been the source of many arguments between them. And yet that trait of his allowed him at the current moment not to pay any heed to his forearm she was clutching for dear life, the flesh of which was starting to turn slightly blue from the intensity of her grip.

She smiled at him again and gave another strong push when the doctor instructed her to. If he could hold it together, then so could she. He had never quit on anything he ever did, so she wasn't going to either.

"Black Star?" she gasped out as she rested her back against the rest behind her.

"What is it?" he asked eagerly, leaning in to listen closely to her. He was the embodiment of care in that very moment, his eyes wide and his free hand reassuringly placed on hers that was on his other arm.

She smiled at him again and wondered how it was possible that this wonderful, doting person could've ever thought he wouldn't make a good father with how much he _cared_.

"I want you to name him or her when he or she comes out," she told him in a rasped voice before being made to push again, her tone turning into a pain of excruciating pain and effort.

Black Star's mouth had frozen into a stiff "o" when she'd informed him of her wishes. It had been a request that had taken him by surprise—they had talked about baby names before but she'd always rejected his ideas as quite outrageous (though he didn't see how Black Star Junior and Descendant of God's Surpassor were unacceptable choices), so asking him such a thing now was more than a bit confusing.

He'd been surprised but he was quick to get back to his encouraging self, deciding to postpone the pondering for a later time.

Because, after all, cheering her on was all he _could_ do right then for her.

* * *

Her brow was glistening with a thin sheen of sweat but there was a serene feel to her aura now. She had safely delivered a baby girl—so the doctors said—and she was currently getting cleaned and wrapped in blankets, giving Tsubaki a bit time to take a gulp of air.

Black Star smiled at her and leaned forward to plant a tender kiss to her forehead. She blinked tiredly up at him, nonplus written in her eyes.

"You did awesome, Tsubaki. I'm proud of you." She tittered quietly, powerlessly squeezing the fingers of his hand that she had laced with her own digits. He smiled down at her and caressed her forehead dotingly.

"Here she is, the girl of the hour," the happy-go-lucky doctor said while handing Tsubaki her daughter.

The woman took her child gingerly, staring at the baby's chubby face in awe. She was so tiny and endearing—it was hard to imagine she had been the reason Tsubaki had gone through such excruciating pain not several minutes ago.

To her side, her husband had leaned in to look at his daughter's face as well. He blinked several times, as if still thinking that she was some sort of illusion and if he looked away she would disappear into thin air. Tsubaki smiled tiredly at him.

"A girl, huh?" she said dreamily, caressing lovingly the baby's face with her finger. "I can already see you spoiling her silly and chasing off any potential suitors." The Nakatsukasa heiress giggled again.

Black Star face faulted to her side.

"What 'potential suitors?! I-isn't she too little for that?!" His reaction made his wife laugh again.

"I was talking about the future, silly; the future," she explained good-naturedly and was amused to hear him sigh in relief.

"Don't scare me like that! I haven't even had a chance to know her and you already start talking about her leaving—that's a low blow for the wife of the man who surpassed God, Tsubaki!" he reprimanded her half-heartedly. She laughed some more.

The soft rumble of her chest made the little girl in her arms open her bleary eyes though, looking around. Her father looked at her in wonder and her mother smiled brightly down at her.

"Hey, little girl," Tsubaki spoke quietly to her, caressing her cheek again. "Did we startle you? We're sorry. Mommy and daddy tend to get a little silly sometimes but you'll get used to it soon."

The child gurgled a laugh that melted her mother's heart.

Black Star watched his two girls communicate without words and smiled tenderly at the sight they made. He leaned against Tsubaki's bed, putting a hand as gently as possible on his daughter's head.

The baby then turned her attention to him and his eyes met the richest violet coloured orbs he had ever seen in his life. He looked curiously at the tiny hand that had extended towards his face before giving Tsubaki a questioning look. She nodded and he turned back to their daughter. When he lifted his hand from her head, wondering what the child wanted him to do exactly, he was slightly taken aback when her tiny fingers took hold of his index finger.

He was immediately overwhelmed by how truly tiny she was, how small and defenseless. Her entire little hand was only as big as his smallest index finger phalanx. She didn't know anything about the world and she could only rely on him and Tsubaki to continue to live. A tiny, adorable life was going to depend on him as a role model and support until it could stand on its own legs, until it could garner its own innate talent and follow its own unique path.

And looking at this endearing, harmless creature that stared at him with those wide, heart-melting eyes made him wonder how he could've ever even contemplated denying this child a chance at life.

He still had no confidence he would even make an acceptable father, not to mention a good one, but at least now he knew that he'd made the right decision.

He smiled at his daughter who in turn gurgled once more.

"Tsubaki."

"Hm?" his wife hummed, showing him that she was listening raptly even though she looked completely engrossed in caressing the child's dark auburn locks.

"I figured out what we should name her," he said coolly. His significant other turned to look at him curiously at that, expectantly waiting for him to continue.

Only after she'd said it, she'd realized that this was probably not her best of ideas, living Black Star in charge of naming their daughter. After all, he had the tendency of being silly even at important times, but what had already been promised had already been promised. So she tilted her head to the side as she patiently waited for him to go on. She hoped he fully realized she was never going to agree to calling her daughter The Daughter of the Man who Surpassed God or anything like that.

"Let's call her Ayame." Tsubaki only blinked in response, which he took as a cue to elaborate.

He turned to look into the child's eyes; she looked really concentrated on holding on to his finger.

"She's so small and delicate, in need of affection and care to thrive—just like a flower. So she should be Ayame—a pretty flower, just like her mom."

Tsubaki was still openly gaping at her lover after he finished explaining his reasoning for his choice and he cocked a brow at her. Before he could ask her what was wrong with her, she turned to look at their child who was blowing bubbles with her eyes drooping but her hold on his finger still secure. The woman smiled warmly at the baby.

"Ayame-chan, eh?" she finally spoke, still looking at their daughter. "It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

Black Star grinned.

Ayame it was then.

A beautiful name was the first thing that her father gave her.

* * *

A lot of Tsubaki's earlier ponderings were answered as soon as her baby was born.

For example, she now knew that she was the mother of a beautiful baby daughter. She could see a lot of Black Star in her—a fact that made her smile whenever she thought of it. Ayame may not have been much different than any other infant for all Tsubaki knew, but to the young mother her child was the prettiest, most curious and most wonderful little girl in the world.

Or at least, as far as she could be sure about that considering that she was still in a baby.

But the most important fact she had come to know—at least according to her—was that her daughter was not fussy.

She did not throw tantrums without a reason and she didn't cry unless she needed something. She enjoyed the company of both her parents seeing as her cradle was just to the side of their bed for the time being and she was always looked after.

The fact she did not fuss needlessly did not change that Ayame was still a baby. She had needs that manifested at odd hours of the night, dragging both her parents out of fitful slumber until either of them catered to her demands.

On one such night a few months after she was born, the baby girl's wail startled Black Star and Tsubaki awake in the wee hours of the morning.

The young mother opened her bleary eyes groggily, giving a small groan as she attempted to push herself up into a sitting position. It had taken her body a good couple of weeks to recuperate from the stress the birth had put it through but ever after that, she'd been feeling constantly on edge. Not getting enough sleep was putting a great strain on her somatic functions and day after day it was getting increasingly harder to get up at night to feed her daughter.

"I'll take care of it, you get back to sleep, Tsubaki," she heard a familiar voice tell her through the sleepy haze in her mind.

She turned her head to the side powerlessly, blinking slowly as her eyes that were gradually getting used to the darkness took in the silhouette of her lover getting up from the bed and going to the cradle. She trained her eyes on the alarm clock on her bedside and forced her mind to cooperate with her.

"She's probably hungry—it's about time for her meal," she said in a raspy voice and barely registered her husband nodding his head affirmatively.

"I know, so go back to sleep," he told her and his significant other smiled into the darkness of the room, her eyes sliding shut easily. She was more than eager to comply with his order.

Black Star approached his crying daughter carefully, picking her up gingerly. Even after a few months together, he still felt as if she was fragile like a glass. She looked so tiny and defenseless that he held her like he would a very valuable, easily breakable item, afraid that exerting too much force might crush her but knowing that if there was no firmness in his hold she would slip from his grasp which would surely harm her in turn.

"Shh, it's okay, Ayame, don't cry," he hushed her breathlessly, gently rocking her in his arms. "Let's go get you your midnight snack now."

Upon seeing her father's face hovering over her, the intensity of the little girl's cries went down a notch but did not cease completely. He continued rocking her while he got her milk ready. Only once her lips were on the pacifier of the milk bottle did she calm down.

She had such a concentrated look on her face while she greedily drunk from the container. Black Star smiled down at her as one of his arms supported her neck and body while the other held the bottle to her tiny mouth. Her small arms were extended in a matter as if holding the container herself but he knew for a fact that she did not yet have enough coordination or strength in her cute tiny fingers to grip it herself.

He had been watching her every day since she'd come to be and he had been amazed by how quickly she was changing. It was like she was growing every second of every minute of every day. She was truly a tiny miracle and he could hardly believe that he would've been ready to give her up before even knowing her.

The baby drank her milk in record time and he chuckled lightly while he put the vacated bottle in the sink to be taken care of at a less ungodly hour.

"You're quite the little glutton, aren't you?" he told her quietly and the little girl looked up at him with her wide, curious eyes. "You take after your dad in that way, huh, princess?"

He tickled her under the chin and Ayame gurgled a laugh. He smiled widely himself while he carried her to the bedroom. He put her gently in her crib, which he had finished putting together first thing after coming home with his daughter. The young man rested his arms on the side of the crib, leaning in to look at his daughter whose tiny form was bathed in the rich moonlight pouring from the open blinds.

Ayame peered curiously at him for a while, extending her little hands in his direction while blubbering nonsense in her baby tongue. Black Star smiled at her and held one of her outstretched arms, making the baby smile and fasten her tiny digits around one of his fingers.

Every day that he spent by her side he grew to love her more and more. Maka had joked with him when his daughter had been born that the role of the father wasn't all that important, so there was no need for him to be so stiff about it. He'd been scandalized by her claim and promised ceremoniously in front of all of his friends who had gathered to congratulate him and his wife on their new baby that he would become the most prominent figure in his daughter's life.

After all, it was only understandable, since she was the offspring of the man greater than God Himself! There was no other way he would settle for any other position in her life!

Every day that he spent with her he found more and more of himself in her. If it had been the him of a year ago, that would've made him panic and try to put some distance between himself and his daughter, before he could influence her even more without meaning to in the first place.

But now he couldn't do that, even if he wanted to. This little child had grown on him so much in the past few months that she'd been a part of his life that he couldn't imagine being without her anymore. He couldn't pry himself away even if he was insane enough to want to.

Ayame had already captivated him with her charm and there was no going back.

"You're quite the little minx, aren't you?" he told her quietly so as not to disturb Tsubaki's sleep. "You're still a baby and yet you've already put an unbreakable spell on me. What a sly little one you are…"

He smiled into the darkness at his daughter who blew a bubble and stared curiously up at him, obviously not understanding a word of what he was saying to her or how she affected him.

But that was alright. He knew there would come a time—very soon—when she would understand and even be able to convey her own thoughts to him, in a language he could understand. He could hardly wait for her to start talking! There were so many things he wanted to teach her!

"Ayame, you just keep growing up and leave the rest to your dad!" he whispered excitedly. "I'm going to teach you how to ride a bike and play video games! We'll go out and run and play every day, so you can get big and strong like your old man! You know, your dad has already surpassed God, so it's only understandable that you'd be right after me, seeing as how you have my blood."

Ayame turned her head slightly to the side on her covers, in an almost questioning look. It fuelled Black Star's soliloquy even more.

"Of course you will! You dad always keeps his promises! You just wait and see! I'm sure that you'll turn out to be a technician when you go to Shibusen. You know, daddy's a teacher there, so he will be able to keep an eye on you at all times!" he said breathlessly, caressing his daughter's fluffily soft hair while resting his chin on his other arm that was leaning against the crib's side. "I'll make sure you come to no harm and that no one makes you cry. You know why? Because that face of yours is more suited for a smile than for tears."

He gently pressed on the tip of her chubby nose, making the little girl giggle in amusement. He smiled brightly at her, his face turning into a more serene expression then.

"You're such a happy kid, aren't you, princess?" he asked her quietly in the dim of the night. "The last time that old man came to visit, he said that you were just like your dad in that way." He said it with a melancholy tone in his hushed voice. "Do you remember him, your zombie uncle Sid? He's a nice guy, even though a bit annoying at times. He was always there for your dad when he was a tiny star like you, y'know, even though he's not your grandpa."

Black Star sighed. Every day, he could see that his daughter was becoming more and more like him. Before, that would've worried him, alarmed him.

But not anymore. Because, after all—

"I guess there are worse things than me you could become like, aren't there?" he asked her without expecting an answer, hope swelling in his chest as he looked at her wide marine green eyes that were so reminiscent of his own in colour.

Unbeknownst to him, his wife cracked her eyes open in the darkness, giving his back hunched over their child's crib a bright smile. She had been a bit worried that he had probably expected and wanted a son with whom it would be easier to bond, but she had been pleasantly surprised by how doting he was towards their daughter once she'd come around.

Tsubaki had the sneaking suspicion that the older the girl got, the more he would spoil her and cater to her every whim. After all, that was only understandable, seeing as how she was her father's "princess" and all.

The Nakatsukasa woman smiled again to herself in the darkness, shifting her weight to the side so she could look more easily and with less effort exerted at her family. She had been slightly worried whether they would really be alright but now she had no more doubt in her heart.

Her family was finally complete and she was happier than she ever thought she could be with what she had.

As for her dreams?

Tsubaki had received more than she had ever dared to wish for.

* * *

_Epilogue_

* * *

The little girl giggled incessantly while she sped around the rows of chairs lined up around her, waving her trophy around in her little hand like a winner's flag.

"Aya-hime! Don't torture your old man! Come back and give your dad his bowtie!" Black Star called out while running after his offspring.

In the year that had passed since her birth, Ayame's dark auburn tresses had darkened to a pure black and her eyes had become a lovely blue-green shade, somewhere between the colour of her mother's and her father's. She was an energetic, talkative child and her enthusiasm for everything never ceased to amaze her doting parents and their peers.

Tsubaki grinned to herself while she watched her husband and daughter zigzagging between the rows of chairs. Her child had become quite the prankster lately, and it definitely didn't help that her motor coordination for her age was more than astounding.

She had definitely got that from her father.

Speaking of which, said parent was having a hard time catching his offspring, considering that she was quite tiny. But then again it was thanks to that that she much easily maneuvered around the chairs than he could, making her such an elusive target.

"She was so well-behaved during the whole ceremony—I guess she must've been holding back a lot, huh?" The Nakatsukasa heiress said with a cheeky grin while she continued being entertained by the spectacle Black Star made of himself while trying to get a hold of their daughter who had abducted his bowtie.

It was with a very exultant "Gotcha!" that he finally caught the little troublemaker. The girl squealed loudly, falling into a giggling fit afterwards when her father started tickling her to make her loosen her hold on his tie and as a pseudo-punishment for having him running around for so long.

Tsubaki was absolutely right though. Ayame had been so quiet and obedient throughout the entire duration of their official wedding ceremony, doing her own part perfectly—she had been the youngest bride's maid, with the important task of throwing rice and flower petals around the isle as she walked down on it. His princess was so used to being in the center of attention lately that he had been surprised how perfectly she had behaved during the ceremony, not making a sound until it was over.

He guessed he would have to thank Tsubaki's parents for whatever they had given her to keep her occupied for that time.

But now that they had to pose for their first family photo together, the mischievous little girl had decided it would be the most convenient time to let her troublemaking trait make an appearance, nabbing her father's bowtie when he'd made to hold her up and running off as if chased by the devil afterwards.

"You like standing in the spotlight a lot, Aya-hime—as can only be expected of the daughter of a man as big as me!" he enthused, laughing raucously. His laughter made the little girl laugh as well.

He used that chance to lift her up and throw her in the air, catching her as she fell. Ayame's giggles grew louder as she became more excited, reaching up for the sky, as if urging her father to repeat what he'd done.

Never one to deny his daughter anything, Black Star threw her up again, savouring the happy giggles his offspring gave while she was airborne.

"Okay, Aya-hime, we'll play more if you promise to stay still for a bit, alright?" he asked her levelly with a serious expression on his face. The little girl laughed again but made no move to flee his grasp. He grinned. "Good girl! Now, look at the birdie over there and smile like this," he instructed her, flashing her a toothy grin that made the child recede into peals of laughter again.

The man gently guided his wife to his side, just in time to get into the perfect pose for their first family photograph.

In their first family album, the picture was the last of their wedding ceremony and the first many more family photos that they filled their next albums with.

If one were to look only at those pictures and how happy and smiling all three of them were in there, it would be hard to imagine that there had been a time Black Star had thought he would be anything less than a great, loving father.

* * *

_The End_

* * *

_A/N:_ I'm not entirely sure whether the end was strong enough. Oh well, seeing as how I'm not planning on leaving this family and the concept of this little girl stay in just this fic, I guess you could bear even with a weak ending? Also, for anyone who does not know, "Ayame" means iris in Japanese, which is why I gave her that name in both my stories. It seemed very fitting. She really grew on me so you'll probably see a lot more of her in future chapters of my "Stolen Moments of Intimacy" Black Star/Tsubaki one-shot collection. I hope you don't mind.

I want to thank you for all the wonderful support you've given me with this story—you guys were an incredible audience! I hope that this fic answered all your expectations and that you enjoyed reading it till the end. Thanks once again and I hope we'll see us again in some of my other works~

_Yours sincerely, Dark Hope Assassin_.


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